


Don't Blink

by silver_drip



Series: Killing me with Kink 'verse [4]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 04:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2608109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha's thoughts between chapters 12 and 13 of On the Brink.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Blink

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AsterRoc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsterRoc/gifts).



She could usually just ignore it; put it out of her mind, but not tonight.

Natasha’s eyes were steadily set on the oversized television, but she couldn’t hear it. All she heard was the soft crunching noise of Clint and the rest of her teammates eating cookies- cookies she was certain were made by a mass-murderer.

Compartmentalizing was natural to her- or at least it had been trained into her so well that it felt natural.

How else was she supposed to live with herself with all the knowledge of the people she had killed?

Throats slashed.

Lies whispered.

Eyes dulled.

It was all compartmentalized.

When those memories couldn’t be held at bay she’d pull aside Clint. He was the only one who could ever read her expressions and he could just tell that something was wrong. He’d start off by telling a funny story, never asking her what was wrong directly, at least not until she was relaxed a bit.

She’d whisper all her sins to him and he listened without judgment- and he always made her feel like the past didn’t define her, like she could move beyond the person she was trained to be.

Men seduced.

Lovers killed.

Children stolen.

Natasha compartmentalized it all.

Clint elbowed her, but she didn’t look away from the television screen, knowing he’d be able to tell something was wrong.

“Come on, Nat. There’s only one cookie left. You have to try this.” Clint said, sticking the cookie practically right under her nose. She brushed his hand away.

“I told you I was full.” Her voice was steady, perfectly nonchalant with just a hint of annoyance. She could feel Clint shrug beside her.

Natasha could also feel Tony’s eyes on her, reading her for any signs of breaking their ‘agreement’.

She didn’t blink, didn’t let her anxiety show.

She never thought about Nathan, about the son she abandoned so that he could live a normal life.

But Tony had to use his name, use him against her.

Natasha kept her eyes steady on the movie, even though she wanted to glare at him.

Don’t blink.

Don’t let any weakness show.

She had to be the perfect spy, keep all the secrets safe, all the lies in order.

Even if some of those secrets made her blood boil.

She should have figured it out.

She knew the engineer better than the rest of the team did, excluding Bruce.

Natasha had worked as his PA for months, learning every facial expression and tell he had.

She knew what he looked like after a good, hard fuck. It should have clicked in her mind that he shouldn’t have that shit-eating grin after coming from one of his ‘science binges’ while Pepper was away on business. Back then an unconscious part of her mind had just assumed that Tony was probably sleeping with Bruce. She knew they had slept together a few times, but in retrospect that shouldn’t have been enough to make Tony grin like that.

When she had been his PA he only had that grin when he either fucked someone into oblivion or was fucked silly. Considering neither Bruce nor Tony was limping when Tony smiled like that she doubted they ever got to that point. Besides, the one time she had overheard them going at it, they fucked slowly.

She had gotten sloppy and was once again at the disadvantage because of it.

Actually, she had been at the disadvantage the whole time. She just hadn’t known it.

Natasha knew Tony was a genius, even if he acted like a childish asshole most of the time. It seemed like he acted on impulse during battles, but when he was acting team leader his quickly thrown out orders always got results.

Natasha had let her guard down.

She knew that he was clever enough to make his father’s million dollar company into a billion dollar corporation.

But she had let herself be blinded by new friendship and a sense of belonging, the family she never had.

She had gotten sucked into the victory parties on the communal floor, the light hearted jokes over the comlinks, and the camaraderie that came from fighting side by side.

Maybe she didn’t want to notice that one of her ‘family members’ was coloring outside of the lines. She had compartmentalized those little smudges in favor of enjoying her new life.

It helped that the Norse ‘deity’ that had hurt her best friend looked absolutely pathetic sitting at Tony’s feet like a pooch. She didn’t know how he did it, but the engineer had trained the crazed invader into a squirming cock-slut.

Other than Tony’s ‘Nathan’ comment earlier neither of them had brought up the subject of Tony’s toy.

It was easy to put it completely out of her mind, especially considering there had been so many opportunities where Tony could have just let her die, but instead swooped in and grabbed her before she could hit the hard pavement or blocked an oncoming barrage of bullets.

It had hurt though, having one of her ‘family members’ just completely turn around and threaten her.

But she never let it show.

Natasha pushed aside such useless emotions in favor of enjoying this new part of her life where she was finally on the right side.

Though her eyes would always be open, watching to see if Tony every slipped to the wrong side.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this shows a bit of her motives :)


End file.
